To the Moon and Back Page 26

  “How’s your day looking?” she asked, when Fallon picked up her call.

  “Pretty slow around here. I was thinking of knocking off early.”

  “Want to go out for a cocktail and knock me around a little? I’ve earned it.”

  “Hmm,” Fallon said. “A cocktail and beatdown could make for a nice afternoon. Where should we gather?”

  “Somewhere low key where people won’t take our photo.”

  “So the Chateau Marmont, then?”

  “Very funny. What about that place The Varnish? Reminds me of a speakeasy, and that dim lighting might be what I need to blend.”

  “Done. See you in an hour?”

  “Prepare yourself for sad and guilty.”

  “Good Lord.”

  “I know.”

  Ninety minutes later, and Carly had a whiskey sour and Fallon sipped a candy-apple martini that came with a chili rim. “So what are we going to do about it?” Fallon asked.

  “Do about which of the many issues?” She had laid out everything that had gone wrong as soon as they’d arrived, sparing no detail.

  “Well, I think you have a lot of things going on. Some old. Some new.”

  “I can agree.” She claimed the cherry from her drink and watched the bartender restock the sugar. “This morning was definitely rock bottom for me. I can admit that.”

  “Career first. So you have Family Feud coming up this week?”

  “No, it’s the pyramid one.”

  “Right. So your financial prospects aren’t dead. They’re just not what they once were. No one pays you millions to offer clues to paralegals.”

  “Not even close.”

  “Well then, let’s figure out your priorities, shall we?”

  “Please.”

  Fallon took out a pen and grabbed a spare cocktail napkin for diagramming. “We need to figure out what you can and cannot live without. Let’s start with your house.” She wrote it down.

  Carly considered the question. “I love where I live, but I could be happy with a much smaller, more modest space. In fact, that’s probably the most practical choice.”

  “All right, so the materials can go.” She crossed it off and continued to take notes. “The luxury cars?”

  “Just a bonus. I don’t need them. I can drive a Nissan.”

  Fallon nodded and adjusted the list. “Carly in a Nissan. This is going unexpectedly well. What about your celebrity? How important is it that people see you as a high-status star in Hollywood?”

  “I’ve loved that part of my life, but if you ripped it away, I’d still be standing.”

  Fallon nodded some more. “What about acting?”

  That one was harder. Things weren’t going so well in that department these days. She loved her job and would sorely miss it if she had to take up another career. “That one would be a big loss. I’d rather not give up acting, but I understand it may not happen at the same pay grade I’m used to.”

  “Would you be happy doing a smaller project, like a TV show or another regional play somewhere?”

  Carly had never been happier than during the run of Starry Nights, which was maybe why her current existence seemed like such a steep fall. “That’s actually not such a bad idea.”

  “Got it. Acting is a keeper, but it could happen in a variety of forms. Now, what about Lauren? If things don’t work out there, will you be okay?”

  “I don’t want to think like that.” She couldn’t, in fact. The idea of going back to her life before Lauren felt hollow, cold, and unimaginable. “No.”

  Fallon held up a finger. “Okay, see, that’s interesting. I think we’ve made an important discovery here.”

  “That I want Lauren? That’s not news.”

  Fallon shook her head. “That’s the first time you’ve immediately pushed back against anything I’ve said. And hard. Lauren was the only deal breaker you had on the entire list. You aren’t willing to budge.” She turned the napkin around, and Lauren’s name in big, bold letters was the only word left standing with a giant circle around it.

  “True. There’s no compromise there for me.” Fallon was right. There it was, crystal clear as day. Her response had been instinctual and instantaneous with very little consideration required.

  “Yet think about it, Car. You’ve allowed losing your status, something that’s not important to you in the grander scheme, separate you from the one thing on this list you don’t want to live without. Why?” Fallon shook her head as if this was just basic math and took a sip from that candy-apple martini that Carly should have ordered.

  She closed her eyes and shaded her face with one hand. “Right. I’m an idiot.”

  “Interesting strategy there, champ. So fix it.”

  Carly took another sip. “I’m gonna try. I’m not entirely sure how yet. But I’m gonna.” A pause. “How about I order us another round of those,” she said, gesturing to Fallon’s martini, “and we come up with a firm plan.”

  Fallon clapped with her fingertips. “Plans are my favorite.”

  * * *

  Minneapolis weather did not mess around. If Carly thought the place was cold in October, she wasn’t prepared for late November. Her minimally lined leather jacket wasn’t cutting it against the whipping winter winds. She’d honestly known better, but larger details stole the space in her mind these days. She flipped the collar up and cursed herself for not pulling a scarf out of her bag.

  It had been three days since Lauren left Los Angeles. Carly knew she’d flown home because she’d posted a photo of herself reunited with Rocky to her social media accounts. They’d looked adorably snuggly, and Carly almost forgot she didn’t currently have the right to take joy in that. Instead, she booked her own ticket for the following day, packed her bag, and set off for Minnesota.

  On her way to the airport, a text from Lauren hit her phone, finally answering the string Carly had sent.

  I’m sorry to have dashed away on you. Not really thinking LA is for me. I’m sorry things didn’t happen differently. I think we want different things.

  Of course, it looked that way. She’d let it. More motivated than ever, Carly knew that there was no way she was having this conversation from across the country. She needed to look into those green eyes and tell Lauren what a self-involved jackass she’d been and get them back on the same page.

  In her rental, she drove by Lauren’s house, but her car wasn’t there. She made the quick jaunt to the theater, and there it was. The spunky sky blue Mini Cooper. How was it possible that even the car was a sight for sore eyes? Carly gave herself a mental pep talk as she walked up the ten stairs that led to the building’s entrance, past the picturesque stone columns, and into the lobby, which she knew would be unlocked during the day because the box office sold advance tickets. Once inside, all she needed was for someone to open a door to the house in the normal course of their workday, and she’d be in. Luckily, she only had to wait five minutes for that to happen.

  “Carly?”

  She sighed. It was that Tinsley woman. She had paint all over her arms and a red bandana around her head to keep her hair back. The new set must be going in for Falsettos, the production that would open next.

  “Hey, there.” She followed Tinsley through the theater like she belonged there.

  “I didn’t realize you were doing any more work here,” Tinsley said. “Forget something?”

  “Just some business to take care of.”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  Tinsley smiled but eyed her with suspicion. Carly didn’t care. She wasn’t here to be friends with Tinsley, who’d never really shown her much warmth anyway. She proceeded to the stage management office just down the hall from the stage itself. Her heart thudded, her palms were sweaty, and she had a serious case of butterflies dancing a conga line through her midsection, but she was going to fall on this damn sword because it was abundantly clear to her what mattered most.

  Carly paused in the doorway because, God, there she was. Lauren worked
quietly at the desk, laptop open, soft music playing from the radio on the table behind her. She was a vision of beauty, focused as always as she worked. She chewed subtly on the inside of her cheek, a common occurrence when she was concentrating. Carly had always loved watching her in thought.

  Finally, Lauren glanced up and went still. For a moment, she said nothing. Then her shoulders dropped slightly as if she’d been wounded. “Hi.”

  Carly offered a nervous smile. “Hi.”

  “I don’t understand.” She shook her head and peered behind Carly as if to see where she came from. “What are you doing here?”

  “We want the same things.” It wasn’t the most eloquent of ways to plead her case, but it was all she could think to say, her speech having flown out the window the second she laid eyes on Lauren.

  “What?” Lauren was trying to wrap her mind around Carly’s surprise appearance, and it seemed like her brain hadn’t quite caught up.

  “I’m here for you. To tell you I disagree with what you said. We both want the same things.” Lauren stared at her, clearly unsure what to say or do. “I don’t know why you’re back in Minneapolis, but come home with me.”

  “Home?” Lauren stood, gestured for Carly to come inside, and closed the door behind them. “This is my home, and it’s the best place for me.”

  Carly squinted. “You were killing it in LA. What happened to the job on The Subdivision?”

  “I politely asked if I could back out. They were understanding.”

  “Oh.” Another pause. “You’re really serious about this back-in-Minneapolis thing.”

  Lauren nodded apologetically, and Carly felt nauseous. “Wilks apparently already had me on the schedule with plans to replace me if I wasn’t back. So I just slid back in.”

  “You’re an amazing stage manager.” She shrugged. “I guess I always assumed that if the people working on the production had the opportunity to be the actors, they’d leap.”

  Lauren smiled. “Not everybody is destined for the limelight. I once thought it was all I wanted in the world.” She mirrored Carly’s shrug. “But as we grow and change and get to know ourselves, our goals change with us.” She looked around the office. “I really love my job.”

  “You’re amazing at it.”

  “I try to be.”

  Carly blew out a steadying breath. There was more to say. “I realize that I got caught up in my own world, my own journey, and you paid the price.” She held out her hands. “All done with that now.”

  “I’m happy to hear that. You were truly struggling. I hated watching it play out.” She shook her head. “I felt so helpless and my heart…” The words died on her lips.

  “Lauren. I want to give us our shot. For real.” She tried to smile. She lost the battle in the face of such a daunting conversation that wasn’t going well.

  Lauren closed her eyes. “The thing is, Carly, that it was for real the whole time. Life isn’t a do-over.” She sighed and studied the floor as if assembling the words she wanted. “When things weren’t going your way, I became an enemy to you. An obstacle on the path to what you truly wanted. That’s not who I want to be to anyone, and I would fully expect it to happen again.” She raised her arm and let it drop. “The acting thing was a lot of fun for a while. But maybe it’s time I get back to my real life, so I can feel like Lauren again.”

  There was a knock on the door behind them, and not a second later, Tinsley appeared without waiting for an answer. “Everything okay, Lauren?”

  Carly stared, confused. “Why would it not be okay?”

  “We’re fine, Tins. Thanks,” Lauren said. “I’ll bring you a breakdown of the move-in schedule in just a little bit.”

  Carly raised a hand. “Why would it not be fine?”

  Tinsley took a confident step farther into the room. “Oh, I don’t know, because she gave up her life to follow you out to LA, and you treated her like crap once she got there? Ruined her legitimate chance at her dream by getting in her head?”

  “Tinsley. No.” Lauren shook her head and closed her eyes.

  Carly turned back to Lauren. “I know. She’s right. All of it.”

  “Damn right I am.”

  “Do you mind giving us a minute?” Lauren asked Tinsley, who didn’t move. “Please?”

  Tinsley nodded and with a glance to Carly that said I’ve got my eye on you, she left the office.

  “I’m a big girl. It was my decision to head to LA. We had plans, and things were feeling really good between us. I thought they’d stay that way.”

  “I know.”

  “Yes, I was paranoid as hell that you were out of my league and that you’d cast me off.” She shook her head ruefully. “I guess I just didn’t see the method in which you’d do it.”

  “I’m an idiot.”

  “Yes.”

  A pause as the truth rained down. Carly accepted the responsibility and prayed she could find a way to undo the damage. Carly took an imploring step forward. “But it was. It was working out for you.”

  “Parts were. But people change—their priorities do.” Lauren rolled her lips in and leaned sideways against the desk with one arm. “I always longed to be an actress, but maybe that’s not me anymore. I wasn’t happy. It’s easier here. Simpler.”

  “Lauren. Just listen, I—”

  “I don’t blame you, Carly, okay? Does that help? You can leave here feeling better and go back to your world with a clear conscience that little Lauren is just fine.” Her eyes were watery when she said it. There was also a resolve present, and that hurt more. “You were just living your life. I was in the way.”

  “You were never that. I was dealing with issues of my own.”

  Carly wasn’t able to process all of this at once. It was too much. What had she done? Turned into a petty, self-involved starlet who wasn’t getting the kind of jobs she thought worthy of herself. Never before had such a startling mirror been held up to her face. It nearly brought her to her knees. She hated herself and every action she’d taken since leaving Minneapolis. “You deserve so much better than all of this.”

  Lauren offered a sincere smile. “I think everything happens for a reason, you know? We were a team on that show. Maybe that’s what we were meant for. Now we go our separate ways.”

  “We’re still a team.”

  “Sometimes things don’t work out the way we expect them to, and that’s okay.” Lauren looked like she was trying to convince herself of that just as strongly as she was Carly.

  “That’s not what this is. Look at me.” Lauren did and the minute they connected, Carly knew she was right. “You and I are supposed to be together,” Carly said, her chest tight. “If we aren’t, why would I feel this way?”

  “I’m not sure I agree.” She watched as the guard Lauren had in place seemed to fall away. “Do you think I don’t miss you?” Her voice was strangled with emotion. She placed a shaky hand over her heart. “Of course I do. Every day. But I’ve been missing you for a while now, and it’s become clear that maybe I’m not the best person for you. Maybe you’re not the best for me.”

  “Are you positive of that?”

  A long pause struck. “No.”

  “Good. Then hear me out. I’m here because you mean more to me than any job. I lost myself somewhere in a swarm of personal disappointment and didn’t see what was right in front of me—the true source of my happiness was an uptight stage manager turned talented actress, and the best scene partner I’ve ever had in my life.” She took a moment with the next part. “Give me a second chance. I promise to learn from my mistakes.”

  Lauren hadn’t moved a muscle. “I don’t think we’re ready for that. I don’t think you are.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I think you need some time for yourself, to sort out your world.” Lauren was being too nice, but Carly translated. She was telling Carly to work on herself. It wasn’t the answer she wanted, but it also wasn’t a firmly closed door. She could work with a crack. She h
ad to. It was all she had left.

  “And while I do that? Will you come back to LA?”

  “Not while the next show is in production. I talked to my agent about stepping back. Maybe I’ll pick up a role here or there along the way in the future. Make myself a bit of a hybrid. Others have done it.”

  Carly nodded, trying to get past the painful lump in her throat. “I can’t convince you, huh? What if I picked up and moved here? I’d do it.”

  Lauren shook her head, her conviction apparent. “I don’t want us to go down the same path all over again. You need to gather your world. Maybe then, give me a call. We can catch up.”

  Carly nodded, dejected. “I’ll do the work, okay? Because this right here”—she gestured between them—“was supposed to be a two-month fling, and instead it’s changed me forever.”

  Lauren’s eyes glistened with tears. “I can safely say the same.”

  Carly slid her hands into her back pockets. “I can’t believe I’m going home without you. I don’t want to do this. Please don’t make me.” Her own eyes filled.

  “I’m sorry.” Lauren touched her chest. “I have to look out for me now, okay?”

  Carly nodded. This wasn’t at all what she wanted, but Lauren had a valid argument. Carly had to find happiness with her new place in the world. She had to stand on her own two feet if she wanted to walk in confidence next to Lauren. “But know that I’m not giving up.”

  Lauren nodded and opened her arms. Carley moved into them wordlessly. The tears fell hot and free down her face as they held each other. When Lauren took a shuddering breath and released her, Carly took a step back and wiped her wet face with a laugh. “What a pair we are.”

  Lauren nodded. “We’ve come a very long way together.”

  “And there’s so much more ahead.”

  Lauren didn’t seem as convinced, but that just meant it was up to Carly to hope enough for the both of them. She was up to the challenge.

  “Take care of yourself and Rocky and this amazing theater, okay?” She ran a dejected hand through her hair because there wasn’t much else to do or say.

  Lauren nodded through her tears. “You got it.”